Terrarium

by Durango

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1.
I don’t know why I feel so much pressure. My mind’s been this crowded long as I remember. Your guilt doesn’t help. I’m trying to get well. Can that be enough? I think that is enough. I can’t see why we’re not perfect together. Your sunlight beams down on my inclement weather. Two halves of a whole But you want to let go. I guess this can work. Guess I have to work. We’ll call this a split of a mutual nature, While you take the mountains I’ll ford every river. Our paths they won’t cross. We won’t have to talk. And just make conversation I hate conversation. I don’t see how I’m alone in this darkness. I tried to be casual, I let you end this. I thought I’d be fine Thought it might take time. Forgot you were sunlight. Forgot I need sunlight. I can’t decide if I’m drowning or empty, Forgot how I felt back before you were with me. But now that you’re gone I can’t seem to move on. This world it just ignores me. Your world it just bores me. I try to keep breathing, Your absence it stifles me. Despite these contractions, My lungs just stay empty. I can't just give in With my chest caving in. I guess we're at the end. Guess I'm at the end.
2.
Dying's not all right. How the fuck did I get here? I notice fate has left my side Or decided not to fly. I guess that's all the time we had? Wish there's one thing that I said. But it's far too late to try As I'm blasting through the sky. So it goes. I guess it's time That I accept that you are gone. I can plead But nothing answers me, I guess I took too long. Soaring toward the light It's what you always wanted. Right? Some prophetic way to die? Now you're tearing through the sky. As your features crystalize You break into space and I No longer need to try To hold you so close to my side. I let go As you press onward flying Guess the Earth has lost her grip. Your eyes they fade As you drift onward crying. But it's far too late for it. You're just the start tonight, I've got a fire to ignite. Spinning slowly from the light If I can make it out alright. As you're fading out of sight, Know you're better off tonight. All the people that you left Are just waiting for their death.
3.
At the highest point upon the Earth A woman stared into the water When a sudden wave of discontent made her demeanor start to falter. As she plunged into the freezing depths, and began to question why The Earth awakened, and with a shake, She shot off to the sky. And there was a young man on the planet's face He was hiding in the eyelid. Disgusted with what humans did, while he voted and recycled. He began to shout it from the rooftops that the only fault was ours! And the Earth it barely heard his cry as he blasted to the stars. Now the people on the planet's neck, realizing they were next, They gathered up their wives and kids and prayed that God would spare them what was left. As they apologized and swore they'd change, and would do anything to pay for it, The Earth just sighed and with relief, it popped them into orbit. On the shoulder of the Earth was an old man polishing his rifle. It was decades that he fought for this, his one chance of survival. As he sprinted out to spray the demons, the Earth shrugged him to the sun. And on his journey through the vacuum, his knuckles whitened on his gun. The highest density of people, they were on the planet's back. They spent years just drilling into her and clinging to their cash. But she remembered all their faces and ordered up a list. Then she fired them off one by one from light skin to the darkest. And when the Earth began to tire out from getting her revenge, She took a breath and with a shake, started spinning 'round again. She started fresh with what was left and at a slightly slower pace, She turned away to leave this sun and took a trip off into space.
4.
Feel the weight? It’s getting lighter. And your eyes, They're getting brighter. And then it hits. You feel a wave, An old anxiety. What makes this all so real Without the stress? It doesn't matter. And it’s a wonder That this disaster You've been avoiding Didn't happen faster. Because with all Those awful things That have been cli nging to your skin Taking everything There's nothing left. It doesn't matter. You're getting older. You're growing colder. Now that it’s over, Are you any closer To some serene Sense of peace That you’ve convinced yourself will justify the means? There’s nothing left. It doesn’t matter
5.
Maybe it’s all your fault. Maybe you let it fall apart. Maybe it’s time you left. It’s better in your absence. As she broke off her chains, The ringing that the iron made Signaled through the void Nothing ends without persistence. The light you lost it scattered out your mouth. And now you’ll have to learn to live without The glimmer of a chance you disgraced Is lost with fading echoes in its place. Floating as your running out of breath, Using up the last that you have left. To try and form a word, but she escapes And leaves you drifting aimlessly in space. The light you lost it scattered out your mouth. And now you’ll have to learn to live without The one last thing that you were holding back. Focusing on living in the past will only trigger a panic attack.
6.
I don't sleep, I have too much on my mind. I never have the time You'll find my attention's not refined. It's working overtime. You see There's this hunger inside me That no matter what I feed Will never be complete. So I'll die empty. This just in. I've had these parasites within But now that I've slaughtered them, Once I patch my bleeding skin, I can finally win. In the midst Of this unexplored abyss I'm getting closer now to this, The beginning of my bliss, I find it hard to miss them. Why try? I'm all right. Staring at the ceiling Some undiscovered feelings Start to well inside. You'd say I should take it on today. That I’ll never find my way. But this guilt can't be OK, So I'll walk away.
7.
It’s like we were fucked from the start. Like Our bodies kept evolving while our minds fell apart. Doomed to be the strongest with this sight As dense as darkness, we’re Underdeveloped Animals just toying with consciousness. Who's to say this isn't what we’re meant to be, Some fuck up from a prehistoric century? An accidental life spawned from a ball Of some explosive gas Colliding with Some waste in its path That never should exist to begin with. A collision that breathed life in an empty space Triggered countless repetitions of an errored race. An exponential growth of a mistake That keeps persisting will Eventually just Bury its entire reason for existing. I wanted to get one last look at you. As you spun away my world did too. One glance and I would know that there's a chance I'll be OK someday. But you just turned away Without ever looking back To keep from freezing like that.
8.
Something stirs. It wakes you up. Your barely left, her mind’s made up. You can’t keep up, You can’t think right. Cause nothing is all right. Drowning there in air She can’t compare, it’s clear. There’s no one here. You’re not here. You’re looking into your eyes, So you better hold on tight. You’re drifting here. There’s people near, They must be real. You’re not real. You must be real. But you’re useless, I thought dying would hurt less. You’re breaking down. It’s falling down. She’s not around. There’s ice all around, You’re suffocating now. It’s your last night. It’s a pretty good last light. And you never knew how to laugh, just how to laugh right. And you never knew how to talk, just how to speak right. And you never knew how to cry, just how to cry right. And you never knew you're alive. And you never knew how to act, just how to act right. And you never knew how to feel, just how to feel right. And you never knew how to love, just how to love right. And you never knew I'm alive.
9.
You waste your time. You waste your faith. I'll get what's mine, You'll get your place. And I’ll never bring it back around. There was a time I’d feel remorse. That time was short, You’ve run your course. And I’ll never bring it back around. I'll find my why. You'll wipe your face. We'll pass the sky, Drifting in space. And I’ll never bring it back around. We missed our chance. She’s doomed our race. We can’t survive, We have no place. And she’ll never bring it back around. We killed ourselves. Our fate’s reserved. She’ll finally find What she deserves. And she’ll never bring it back around. I wasted time. I wasted faith. I'll try to die And give her space. And she’ll never bring it back around.
10.
You forgot what it was like Laying naked in the sea Waves as rough as memories Crashing into your body. Close your eyes to feel free In the deepening darkness, While your heart beats ever softer As you start to feel the weightlessness. The tide shifts in and out And your skin begins to soften. The saline that surrounds you Forms an embryonic coffin. Embracing how you live, Yet accepting that you die, You finally look above At the stars burning in the sky. Your final breath, it lingers As you reflect on what you were. But, as your limbs begin to stiffen And your eyes begin to blur You realize you’ll never know the person you could be As the silent ocean waves carry your carcass out to sea.

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released July 21, 2019

Written, Performed, Recorded and Mixed by Durango.

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